ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
