I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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