Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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