you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
