i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
