4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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