I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
