The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
