Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
