you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
