That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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