508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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