so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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