dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
