i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
