I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
