Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
