Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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