I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
