hell yes lets make some ravioli
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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