If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
