i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
