Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
