im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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