I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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