What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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