just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
