People in love make me want to vomit
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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