honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
