so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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