We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
