I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
