matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
