why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
