Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
