Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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