I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
