This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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