I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
