dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
