I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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