Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
