Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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