forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
