Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
