I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
