Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
