My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
