11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
