I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
