My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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