I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
